and i thought i was the only one hurt. gosh, now i feel bad.
cause i've realised what ive been doing, and hey, i was soo ____.

dont feel guilty, u nvr did anything wrong. just dont.
it was my mistake. i took everything just by one look, one ASSUMPTION,
tt killed me. i brought that assumption deep inside, it took over me, and now. pfft.
no use crying over spilled milk right. fuck myself.

i am such a toot. i know ur trying hard, but it seems like ur hardest doesnt satisfy me.
god, why am i asking soo much right.
i cant figure out myself whenvr im ard YOU.
tt assumption takes over and i become UGH.

just tell me when i've crossed that line, okay.
cause really, im the one who's not giving enough, its like im just expecting and wanting more
life says its better to give than take.
imma try and do that.

and no,i wont stop moaning, its not even moaning.
its called expressing myself.
this sounds cliche, wtv.

im sry im sry im sry im sry im sry im sry im sry im sry.
im sry, i know ive becomed a bitch, pardon me. i feel bad. D=
how i wish i can turn back time, to then.

i hope i got the point across.
IM SORRY.
i do love you
i even cried last night, thinking

im okay, im gay.
hey, tt rhymes. oh shut up.

sch sucks. i hate wearing the sch skirt.so lecehhh!
i hate going home alone. D=
but i like being alone. pfft.-.-
so,this days, i may not layan ppl tht much.
oh, ur really ____. go la eh go! hpmhhhh! grr!

and oh seriously, i hate talking soo much in the morning!
later very thirsty u know. air liur nnti smue sticky2 like tt.
i dont loike~~
jadi sry ye syg. heh DX

ohhh, exam coming. so must control. tkmo pakai comp byk sgt. heh.

best of luck to u ppl!
when we study hard, we'll get to play hard.
ohh study smart pun tauuu!
bye! i wan to tutor my brain cells.

psst : ily,i always did.bibibibibibibibibibibibibib ;]

THIS IS RANDOM

I'm just so freaking tired of hearing you complains. Sometimes I want you to get out of my sight but I'm patient enough to stand you because I don't want to lose you. I cherish you a whole damn lot but somehow, sometimes I feel like what I'm doing is a waste. I don't feel like you need me anymore. You have so many people out there that can make you happy, happier than I will ever make you. And perhaps we should go our different ways because sometimes you don't make my day any happier. Sometimes you just don't want to listen to what I have to say. It's all about your problems, your life, you, you you. Sometimes I think that you are just using me. I'm just someone that you can tell your problems, your day, to get all that hatred out of you. What about my problems, my needs? You will never be good at listening will you? I just need a listening ear. Or perhaps it's just me. Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I'm the one whose reluctant to tell you the difficulties I'm facing because I'm just not comfortable. You know what? I'm just so tired of you. Just leave me alone for now. I want some time off.

Don't mind my emo moment. No comments. You've read it. Now forget about it :)

sewel saying au revoir
p/s: make me happy. go away bastard :)

isit that im always high, and that i talk too much until i dont let others get a chance to talk;
which then causes me to think that everyone has changed?
that makes me think that everyone is emo and that their different?
god, idk. but i do know im ALWAYS high these days.
which suck but okay, GEREK jugak. heh
smehow it sucks cause, im suppose to be silent. save my BOOTiful voice. ;D

hmm, i feel, idk what im feeling.
isit this emptiness in me, or isit this setupid brain that keeps asking questions until the questions confuse my heart, confuse myself.
eish, i so like casanova-ish. setupid, wtf is casanova. ahahaha, dumbdumb!

okay, i should be studying, but still i cant get YOU off my brain.
insisting to push u aside for awhile, but still i DONT WANT.
there's no satisfaction when i dont think of u.
GOD, I SOUND SOO WRONG. hahaha

okay, tmr i MUST be the first one to play amirul's hp.
aku da book tauuu! amos better not sibok2 amek slot aku.
lps tu, pe, ish babi sak. pe so ____.
ok, im getting all moody here.

psst,
can u rmb when was the last time i post a crappy gay post?
hah, must be quite long ago right?
IM OK, SERIOUSLY, i wouldnt lie to u right?

i loike~ fuck its nice, and it always gets me emo ;D



" it's something more than saying: i miss you " can cry? D= hahah, shut up



See somehow I can't forget you

somethings are hard to explain. some i dont wish to explain.
i've had enough breaking. i've had enough of always giving in.
and ur like stepping all over me.
gawdd, gimme a break. im only human mann, just like u,
u make my blood go up smtimes. and u, ur always to urself. wtv la eh.
frens or shit ppl? hah, only sme ppl truly understand. and fuck u ppl who think i rock, i simply suck. ty.

i dont wanna see that again, u go with him, i'll be okay.
just dont give me ur bullshit. i HATE it.

let's give it a timeout?
i need to chill out.

I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK
lets discriminate and maki me all over.
cause i'll love it, really.
goodbye, im sick and tired of everyone.
i bet nobody noticed that i cried in the car tadi kan? hah, u see.
WHATS THE POINT.
goodbye, i wanna be A LONER

SUPER NADHIRAH

I was super hardworking today. Only ate curry puff during recess because I wanted to eat fast and finish my homework fast. I didn't even eat during lunch. It was already 2pm and I still couldn't finish my maths. I was seriously stressing out. Then Amirah told me that the work can be handed in on Monday. And DAMN WAS I MAD. I skip meals for NOTHING. Oh well, nevermind. What's done is done.

After mother tongue, Nasyiba, Azalea, Nadiah, Ridhwan, Ahmad and I got PODCAST! I LOVED IT. IT WAS DAMN FUN. HAHA. The podcast was for something at explanade. Wheeee~

2/2 was suppose to have a CDP skit rehearsal after school but the important people never came. I heard they went to the movies. TOOT LARH YOU PEOPLE! NO CLASS SPIRIT AT ALL! YOU WANT TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL ON THE ACTUAL DAY AGAIN IS IT? I somehow pity Jeremy. He has put in a lot of effort writing the script and directing it but SOME PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO BOTHER. HEARTLESS FOOLS.

After the 'rehearsal', Amyraa, Nasyiba and I joined 2/7 and Amirah. Bought oreo :) I started to build the car thingy in the Maggi Monster but I gave up. Amirah and Azwani built the thing. HAHA. Played truth or dare. Amyraa semangat. HAHA. My dare was to say hello to the bookshop auntie. Heeeeee. Amyraa, Nayiba and I went off ferst.

Overall, today was okay larh. At least better than yesterday. And like YAY! Next week no French. E-learning week. Just what I needed. A little break. Now, PICTURES!


Decided to try photoshop. Came up with that. The words don't really match but who cares. HAHA.



I got bored during French lesson's break.



French used to be as easy as that.



Random drawing I drew before going to sleep.

Sewel saying au revoir

FUCK THIS, she touch me anyhow. then PE, she stare at me.
jgn nk perasan aku ni anak kau la ey! gth,ty!

ok,finally i get to update. kat rumah comp mcm sial. hak puih punye bende

so this days, nasyiba EMO~! semcm!!
i dont know how to console/entertain u and more importantly cheer u up.
aku sebut name der je kau marah. aku bebual sikit je kau jeling2, marah2. mcmne siollll.
aku tak tau okay, but i hope ud get better soon.


->tts why ive been running to qayyum more. lea, stress with hmwks, yg due ekor tu, hah, so happy together.
tapi now, since yum yum got probs of her own, i SHOULD run to another person. smtimes i find depending or putting hopes on others really foolish. really. i do. but ironically, i just do what i keep telling myself not to do. wtf kan.
and i've been ignoring ____ too much. da satu minggu siol. sry, im busy. no time for bdk2 kecik. heh. X]

so, everything's been going smooth. its okay, until today i guess. i felt so broken somehow. like u took away the pieces of my heart. like somehow, its all hollow.
- words are hollow but they cut so deep.
is amyraa good or good. damn i amaze myself with wat i can come up with smtimes. haha, PERASAAN-ING!

smtimes when i go quiet, its erm , cause im afraid or that i have felt that things between us has changed. idk, but i just felt like that. boo!
setupid bitch feeling. go away la, no one invite u to conquer my heart what bodohh, mofo! ok, biri-biri. im sry if i was such a bitch. i feel bad to you. and i feel like rewinding time, god time is such a BITCH. having a heart sucks! feeling really low, craps the mood outta me. i hate all this shit. go away~~~~
in fact, i feel bad towards everyone. in fact i feel like i should leave everyone alone, stop being a pest to them. eveyrone laen mcm today.
I DONT NEED AN ONION TO CRY. i went to ____ complaining. hah, for once she aint sarcy. :D the only one who made me happy was YOU. YOU YOU YOU! ily, like fuck. am i really saying this. shitto. im homo kan kan bibi!hahaha! talk to my shoe mann, shut up bitch. (refering to myself.)

today, floorball comp.u fell like hahahah! drama byk jer, last last kalah! hahahah! kesian ur baobei. seriously, its bad and shocking. i do have a heart. i do feel, like every human being. i jus feel toot at tat perticular moment. why ppl get jealous? cause their a bitch. BITCH BITCH BITCH. why am i saying all this, cause ive got nth else to say.

PSSTS:
IM DONE WITH YOU, YOU CAN EMO ALL U WANT, CAUSE EVERYTHING I DO, IS WRONG PISSFULL TO YOU. DONT BUG ME WHEN U WANNA EMO OKAY~
TO YOU, okay, a break is a break. sort out ur life. im patient, ive always been kan. psl bubu baek! ;D hehaww. im so horny ;D tapi qayyum lagi rabak
YOU, YOU SHIOK LA SIOL. CIBAI betol, kalau lah kau same kelas ngn aku. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
IM DONE HERE.
glad u survived reading through =D now go do ur homework!
bye u fucking world. da nk kiamat ehk?
aku dgr, tgk byk signs jer. takot girl2. PELUK? HEH

Seriously. I don't know what I am suppose to feel anymore. If you go on, acting like you don't give a shit, what can I do? I'll just play along then. Seriously, I think that you are a piece of shit. You are a tooting bastard. U cheated my stupid feelings. You gave me hope but you also had me crashing down. You are a stupid hell of a creep.

HAHA. DIDN'T KNOW WHY I JUST SAID
THAT.

Anyways, today was okae. Quite fun actually. During Science lesson, I laughed for no reason. AGAIN. During MT lesson, Mira and I did some song editing stuff for the Mat Jenin recording. It was FUN! During CDP, sang songs with Amy, Nash and Mira. But sadly, the class got scolded by Mr Heng. I think he was right. Our class seriously do not have the class spirit.

Sometimes I think that TWO TWO IS SO TOOT. Can? Can? Can? I seriously miss ONE TWO. I think we used to be more co-operative and enthusiastic. We were the BEST CLASS OF THE YEAR what. But now, things have changed. It has changed for the worst.

After lunch was the presentation for the geography projects in the canteen. I suddenly felt... I don't know. I was not happy, neither was I sad. So, I decided to sit at the place in between the staircase and the canteen. It was windy and somehow PEACEFUL. Amirah left with Rex. I sat with Nash and then Atiqah joined us. ATIQAH IS DAMN CUTE LARH SEYH! HAHA. Atiqah somehow cheered me up. THANKIIIEEW ATIQAH! :DD

Then, after that, go canteen. Then I left earlier for class with Lea. I suddenly had that stupid feeling again. I went to class and had some Nadhirah alone time. It was fun having some alone time. Then Amy, Nash and Mira came. Then got Science. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

After that, I went to TWO SEVEN classroom. Their classroom is so much fun-er than ours. It was dark. Not much sunlight. I loike larh seyh! They actually did the international frienship day cards. HAHA. Aravin, Danial and Farris' cards like Primary one drawing. Shhhhh. Don't tell them. I'll DIE. Haha. Crapp. Then Amy, Nash and Lea left first. Then Nash called me. She wanted to go home together so I went off. SMS-ed Atiqah on the way home. SHE SO CUTE! LOL! HAHA.

Oh yeah! AMIRAH!!!! Tell me everything tomorrow okay? I can't wait! HAHA. KPO seyh Nadhirah. Wokaee larh. BYE BYE! SELAMAT TINGGAL!

Sewel saying au revoir :)

Bonjour! Comment ca va? Je suis ca va. Je parle francais. Tu comprendes? Tu ne comprendes pas? Hahahaha. Okaee. Don't mind me. I was talking crap. Wheeeeee~ Today was. Hmmm... BORING?! But YAY-ness! NO CCA! Wahahahaha. Once again, today was boring.

Just now go eat YONG TAU FOO at Jurong Point. Delicious :) Then go Popular to spend $10 voucher. Then go home. A typical, boring day. Today no surprises. Damn. Today was boring. During recess, I kept laughing for no reason. Bodoh kan Nadhirah? Just now I sit in front the mirror, thinking whether I should cut my fringe or not. I was tempted to cut it but SCARED larh seyh. So I didn't :( I WANNA CUT MY HAIR! But Nasyiba said I shouldn't. Aiyo. Don't know larh.

Dah one week kan Amirah. Kan? Kan? Kan? Hahaha. Kalau paham apr aku bebual, tolong diam. Kalau tak pakam, pi jahanam. Aku tengah SS. Jangan dilayankan. Nanti makin TERUK. Wokaee. Shut up Nadhirah. Let's post pictures!!!





Along with this picture, came other intentions.



I loike this picture that I TOOK :)



Amyraa (frightened)



Hardworking :D



NASYIBA!!!

Sewel saying Au Revoir! :DD

Since it's music overload, I'm gonna post a song. Wheeeee~ I hope tomorrow no CCA. I will be very very very happy. And A-myRAA, I already put the happy b'dae song in my phone. Like FINALLY. And YAY! Tomorrow can slack a little. Don't have many subjects. But still, CCA :( Aiyooooo....



Song: My Heroine
By: Silverstein

The drugs begin to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer

You won't try to save me
You just want to hurt me
And leave me desperate

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

You won't leave me alone
Chisel my heart out of stone
I give in everytime

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

I bet you laugh
At the thought of me thinking for myself (myself)
I bet you believe (bet you believe)
That I'm better off with you than someone else

Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
But under your cover's
More torture than pleasure
And just past your lips
There's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on I'll break you, my habit

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

I will save myself

Your Friend,
Sewel :)

p/s: i think that you are so toot. but still...

I feel good. Nenenenenene. Wokaeeeee. Let's start. Games Day was a bore except for the cheerleading and our girls WINNING the badminton game. Eco Amazing Race was postponed. Toot la. I was so looking forward to it. After games day, we went to Adam's Road to eat. YUM! SOTO AYAM! I LOIKE!!! Den, after eating, we decided to go where next. Den Azalea suddenly was so happy to go home. She went home but we went to West Coast Park. Weeeeeeee~ Wen we alight at the bus stop, Amyraa and Nasyiba JAYWALKED. I decided not to so Amirah and I crossed using the traffic light. I good girl wadd. Den we reach there and lost Amyraa and Nasyiba. So we went to the toilet at Mac. They were there. YAY! After tat, a long long story. To make it short, Filiana joined us, we sat near the beach, climbed the pyramid(Amyraa was scared. hahaha), play flying fox and the obstacles. Leave at arnd 5pm and thats quite all. It was FUN FUN FUN! :)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

when the moon was shining
and everyone was dreaming
i dreamt about you

when the sun was rising
and everyone was waking
i thought about you

when the sun is shining bright
whenever i see the moonlight
i wondered if you knew

that i was obsessed
that i have no rest
because of you

your dreamy eyes
they have me enticed
i'm head over heels over you

that lovely smile
i love your style
and you're so perfect, it's true

and you're the best one yet
that i've ever met
and i wanna say that i love you

sewel signing off :DD

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

I LIVE IN A SUPERFICIAL WORLD


ive always wanted to feel emotionless.
so that i dont get hurt/sad or anything.but i guess i was wrong.
i feel small, i feel alone. everyone seems to be like ditching me.
i soo hate me.
i dont belong in this crowd. i gotta find a new one, or maybe the old one.IT'S ME. i know
and everywhere i look, i see, i get moody, pissed, sad, EMPTY. then i shoot at ppl anyhow.
i feel like SHIT.

if i could be another person, or thing,
hmm, i wanna be the moon.
i'll look at everyone from above,
no hurting, no sad emotions.
none of this shit.
plus plus, i get to roam freely, i get to hide when ive had enough. dont get it? too bad.

enough said.
maybe i really got what i deserved.
maybe i really got on the wrong side of the freeway.
but im determined to get back on the right track,the right side.
but just with___ __.

amos, was so cute right right? haha



'innocent' person. heh XD


aka rusting terminator

my left leg, it feels like someone kicked my shin. pain mann!
i hate the timetable. oh ___. god, must stop maki-ing. urghhh
hsih hwa command. mesti amirah suker kan. hahahaha
oh ya, he looks quite different like tt,if u look at him upclose and carefully

i emo-ed after sch? wtf, i was tired. and i was just thinking.. mane tau nnti org tu nanges kann. X)
i cannot stand _____, it makes me up down all around. ee! i better stop. INSYALLAH!

faster abg come home from pasar mlm. come home with many many food! u blanja me somemore. laen mcm jerr. ni menggatal atau buat smth suspicious.
mummy, mana kamu? tkde kat rumah je bile i come home. slalu aderr.
daddy, u piece of ___. u piss me off. ALOT. dont bother me by ur irritating stupid questions and ur stepping concern. ee!

im afraid of my next step
im afraid i'd hurt more ppl
now, there's more, and i cant handle and be there for exactly all of them at the same time.
some just gotta understand, its not like im gonna leave u forever like tt.
i seriously dont know how to manage time.
but i dont wanna hurt anybody again.
i was such a ___. i dont want tt to happen again.
GOD, im soo wtv.
help?

----
staring out into the world across the street
you hate the way ur life turned out to be

broken down like a mirror smashed to pieces
you learned the hard way to shut ur mouth and smile
if these walls could talk, they would have so much to say
cause everytime u fight, the scars are gonna heal
but they're never gonna go away


there's only hate, there's only tears
there's only pain, there is no love here
so what will you do?

there's only lies, there's only fears
there's only pain, there is no love here
----
totally, how i feel right now. D=
but okay, im okay. dont sibok ask me if i am or not ok. psl nnti kau menyusahkan aku to jwb kau jer.
oh n YOU are totally pissing me off. seriously, stop doing tht to me. i hate it, i despise it. u mofo.
make my blood go up je pandai ehk, aku tumbok kau smlm maseh tk puas kepe. idiot.
psst, tapi aku tk violent tauu!
bye!

good afternoon. today: THURSDAY

GAWWD, wed n thurs are the most boring days ever. like wtf la, everything like sial like tt. oh i know why, maybe cause there's PE on this two days.
then somemore, tues marching, wed: pe, thurs: pe, fri: marching.
wah sial, 4days of sweating like fuck no stop. nvm, hardwork pays off.
but in this case, maybe NOT! D=

today, everyone laen mcm.
dont cry okay azalea. i didnt lyn u much, cause i tot of giving u space.
amirah, u laen leh today. penat ye, kesian. go rest byk2 today okay, before marching bsk. ;D
nadh, petang je, hyper semcm. lol
me n syiba, standard ah, high all the way. except for geog til recess: syiba diam jerr. grrrr..heh

my payung rosak, like wth. aku tgh jln half-way then the payung siao2. buat malu aku jer. bitch la u payung! i change to my hello kitty one ah, more better. BLUEK! hah.
i gotta finish up alot of shit. ugh ugh ugh ugh. i cannot find my card reader, wtf. more stress, bpk aku nye oi! then i cannot transfer or upload gmbar la like tt. bitchbitchbitch.

u turn me on,u turn me off,
u make me sick,u make me ugh,
u make me run in circles,
i dont understand u.
but im trying to. im learning.
can i not trouble u, just for a day.

p/s i wan my hotstuff, u owe me tt song. da 2minggu tauu.n da lame aku tk sentuh buku HOT merah aku tu. today shall feeling2. ;)



this video so rock. nice like fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. :D