pardon for this deep post today.

at 10am, when i woke up, first thing i did:
I CRIED.
hell yeah.

mummy, what have we becomed?
i know we hurt each other almost everyday.
but i'm trying. im trying to salvage all that i've left behind.
i've not been talking to you much lately, cause
i dun wanna hurt u or irritate or disturb you when i talk to you
really, its true. but u dun take it like tat.
u dont understand. its hard for me to talk to you.
i cry, everynight i hope u know that i love you, truly from the bottom of my heart.
i know i've been a useless, a problematic child. but hey, im growing up.
sometimes, maybe u gotta stop and listen. listen to what im trying to say,
sometimes i feel like u work too hard, u shud take a break
i wanna help u, but u always ignore me.
when im there, when i talk to you,i ask u smth, u ignore. i feel invisible. hell yeah.
u know i cant be like my brother.sometimes i wonder whats soo good bout him in your eyes.
mann, its killing me.

i don't know, mummy.i dont know what else to do. i wrote smth for u in my book.
u wont know, ever i guess.
im lost in this town, i hate being at home, i hate going to school.
i really hate my life right now. IM NOT NEEDED ANYWHERE. agree? maybe.
imy mummy.the old u, and i cant believe u lied bout me to daddy.but really, i dont mind bout tt, i jus miss you.
Allah, sinarkan cahaya ke atas ku.

~fine, its amyraa okie nadhirah!
oh and also,i miss nasyiba, azalea, qayyum, nadiah, fi-lily.
mann, my friendship with them like is different now? maybe its me
~maybe its just me or couldnt u believe,that everything i said and did
wasnt just deceiving.~